Lately.

Source: heydarlingsunshine.tumblr.com via Laura on Pinterest

I've never really understood people.

All my life I've worked with them; I've never been one to just input numbers behind a desk.  Most of the time, I like interacting with people.  Most people have good intentions, and most are worthy of your trust.  For most people, I do believe that there is some bit of good somewhere in them.

And then there are some people that just aren't.  They thrive on gossiping about people and saying things about them that aren't true.  And then it comes in that these people are supposed to be your friend.  I have been dealing with this a lot with some of the people at work, spreading vicious and untrue rumors about me.  About me being unfaithful to my husband and using my looks to get ahead.  That in itself is just painful to even write, for a couple of reasons.  First one being that I love my husband; if I had any intentions of being unfaithful, I would automatically exit myself from the relationship.  Second one being, I'm pretty average looking.  If I am forced to use what I look like to get ahead, I will not be going very far.

Also, I have worked around males my entire life, so it's no secret to me or anyone that I relate better to them than girls.  I work in transportation; it's not a very female-friendly field, so when I build a good relationship with someone, the likelihood of them being male is pretty high up there.  And you can build relationships with the opposite sex just as easily as the same sex.  I am not of the belief that boys and girls can't just be friends.  They can.  And will be. 

Probably for awhile.

I try not to let it get to me, mainly because I don't want this person to know that he has gotten to me, but when other people who are supposed to be your friends don't even say anything, not a simple, "hey, shut the hell up, you're wrong," that hurts even worse.  

I know that I'm a good person, and I hate that I have to remind myself of this every day, because I feel like I'm being judged.  I guess it's just hard for me to believe that someone has so little to do that they just put people down, and have enough time to talk to everyone else about it.  It's incredibly painful, and it's pain that's unjust.  

I do believe for the most part that people are good, and your true friends will stick up for you.  This whole situation has opened my eyes even wider to something I already knew was true; you can't trust anyone but yourself.

 

One of the few pictures I like of myself; even through the hair in my face, you can still tell I'm smiling.