For some reason, this weekend has made me think. I thought about a lot of things that I haven't allowed myself to think about for awhile. I have been for so long trying to put on a happy face for all those involved; but this weekend, it was a lot harder to keep it in check.
I am not going to my high school reunion. I absolutely refuse. Since the majority of you didn't know me in high school, here is my story. I was never very popular. I had my own group of friends, and I had a job, so I never really got into the politics of high school, or even tried to integrate myself into being one of the popular kids. I had my friends, and left it at that. But if you asked the majority of people I went to high school with, they'd be like, "Laura, who?" I had some mean comments thrown my way, had gum put in my hair, and I have no desire to go and spend an evening with those people. Everyone's like that's precisely the reason you go back, to shove it in their faces. But I don't even care enough for that to happen. So I'm not going.
I've been pretty self-deprecating lately. I'm sick of my hair; I'm sick of my clothes; I'm sick of my body. I usually use sarcasm about my appearance to leverage how I actually feel about it. Sometimes I just get incredibly frustrated; sometimes I just go for a run and I'm better. But the self-confidence level has just not been there lately.
All I've done my whole life is transportation. I have rented trucks; became a manager; became a sales person, and now I'm a recruiter for an over-the-road flatbed company. I sometimes wonder where in the hell I went wrong to be so stuck doing this. I've recently been thinking about going back to undergrad and doing school right. Maybe do some engineering, or nursing. Anything to get me out of this logistics/transportation field. It's also another company where I feel that being a woman holds me back from being able to move up.
Sorry for being such a bummer for the weekend, but sometimes it helps to get it out.
Even if it is just to a computer screen...
All I've done my whole life is transportation. I have rented trucks; became a manager; became a sales person, and now I'm a recruiter for an over-the-road flatbed company. I sometimes wonder where in the hell I went wrong to be so stuck doing this. I've recently been thinking about going back to undergrad and doing school right. Maybe do some engineering, or nursing. Anything to get me out of this logistics/transportation field. It's also another company where I feel that being a woman holds me back from being able to move up.
Sorry for being such a bummer for the weekend, but sometimes it helps to get it out.
Even if it is just to a computer screen...
3 comments:
Sweet Laura... your frustrations are all so understandable. I often feel the exact same way you've described. I've never really had any desire to go to my high school reunion. I don't keep in touch with anyone and I'm just fine keeping that chapter of my life closed. So, don't worry about having to go back and shove it in their faces. If you feel better about not going, you know yourself best :)
I get really fearful about going down one road so far that I never want to go down (aka a career.) I worked for a logistics company about a year ago and HATED my life. There were ppl who had been there for years and worked their way up but I just kept questioning why I was there. It just wasn't for me and I got out of there and was much happier. You're in my thoughts while you try to figure out where you're meant to be. I know it's not easy. Listen to your heart :)
PS my mom just used that "pick your battles" expression while talking to me today!!
Whenever I'm feeling down like you've expressed my mom always reminds me that I'm not "stuck" and that I'm in control to make the changes in my life. So if that's school, you can do it. If it's dancing, you can do it. You're in control. And of course, running doesn't hurt :)
i am glad you have your blog to vent out your frustrations...i wish i did it more on mine!
my high school reunion is in october and im not going. it has nothing to do with me being in norway either...i just dont care. i had alot of friends and was well known, but it was by no means a part of my life i loved and the people who were meant to be in my life are now STILL in my life. i dont need more people...more drama. i am happy with my friends and what i am doing. all those reunions are is a place for people to brag about their kids, etc. well, im 28 and i dont have any kids. and i COULDNT be more happy about that. LOL!!! i dont think youll lose sleep over not going.
i understand what you're saying about career path, etc. i was selling PAPER before i moved to norway and became unemployed. PAPPERRR! sooo awful and boring. but it is true what julie said about controlling your own destiny. i think sometimes we become too comfortable that we dont make the stride to become 100% happy and we settle for 50% happy (which really isn't happy...it's comfortable). i always hear that at age 27 people get "bored" and dont know the future with their careers. i sure did...and now im unemployed in norway. and im kind of loving it even though i want a job.
anyways sorry for rambling :) but i hope things are looking up for you and you're doing well :)
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