So, it's a new year. I haven't written since before Christmas and one of my new year's resolutions was to write more often. Not only because that was my life's ambition, but because it offers some sort of outlet for everything. I haven't really gone into detail a lot on my blogs, because it was no one's business really. And they usually never wanted to hear anything about me or anything. I mean, one big reader; myself. But I guess in the long run, I will be happy that I did this; happy that I can look back on my life.
So it's basically the same old thing going on. Just working a lot, not seeing my husband a lot. I think that is putting a huge rift between us. We never used to fight a lot. But working 12 hour days, when he only works 8 or sometimes less, and I am never home, and I mean NEVER home. And then when I do get home, I just want to go to bed, and I get in trouble for that. I have started getting up in the mornings to work out, and he seems unhappy with that too. That is the one thing that I give myself; the one thing I do a day that I do just for me.
I refuse to give it up.
Just call me selfish I guess, but I don't really think that I am being selfish. I just want to look good; for him mostly. And for some reason it all comes back to me not caring or wanting to spend time with him. There are just certain things that come with my job. I HAVE to work weekends; I HAVE to work late. There is no way of getting around these things. They just are.
All Mixed UP
8.11.09
So, it's been awhile in the blogger world. There really has been too too much going on. But I was sitting here at work on a Sunday (damn you rental football), and was reading through my old ones, and realized that that is my only connection to the past is through these things. Since everyone knows the story about what happened to my other things, and I won't go on my rant about that, this and xanga are all I have. I had one before all of this, but it was super graphic and full of swear words and I was embarassed by it, so I deleted it. I wish I wouldn't have now.
I was reading all these other blogs by people that actually have something to say or to show pictures of their children, and then wondered why I even blog. I don't have pictures of babies to show grandparents; I don't really ever have anything important to say, and I'm sure if I did there would be a limited amount of people who would ever really read it.
Let's just face it: I am not an important person. At. All. At work, I don't feel very important, even though I am a manager now. Don't really feel like it; still get left out of almost everything. I guess bennett can make me feel like an important person, but I'm his wife now, and it's just more routine to have me around than something special. I guess the last big milestone in my life now is to have a kid. Probably wouldn't count on it anytime soon anyway.
Last night we went out with some friends to Oasis and there was a really great band playing!! It was the first time in a while we'd actually gone out out and had a few. The friends that we were with, well it's sort of complicated. Back before Bennett and I started dating, there was a coworker of his that he wanted to set me up with. So we went out on a few dates, and then there was the realization that Bennett and I had feelings for each other, and me and other guy broke it off. Well other guy had his version of me in another girl. So I had met other girl (they had been friends forever and was super obvious, even then, that they were meant to be together), and obviously she didn't like me very much. Thought she was a snob, blah blah. So now these two are dating, and I guess have been for over a year. But it turns out, she is not a snob and she's actually pretty awesome. And it was never awkward with other guy, so at least I guess that could mean everyone, including me, is getting older.
I feel like these things used to be filled with weekends of debauchery and boys. And now I'm all married going to see jam bands with other couples. Wow.
I was reading all these other blogs by people that actually have something to say or to show pictures of their children, and then wondered why I even blog. I don't have pictures of babies to show grandparents; I don't really ever have anything important to say, and I'm sure if I did there would be a limited amount of people who would ever really read it.
Let's just face it: I am not an important person. At. All. At work, I don't feel very important, even though I am a manager now. Don't really feel like it; still get left out of almost everything. I guess bennett can make me feel like an important person, but I'm his wife now, and it's just more routine to have me around than something special. I guess the last big milestone in my life now is to have a kid. Probably wouldn't count on it anytime soon anyway.
Last night we went out with some friends to Oasis and there was a really great band playing!! It was the first time in a while we'd actually gone out out and had a few. The friends that we were with, well it's sort of complicated. Back before Bennett and I started dating, there was a coworker of his that he wanted to set me up with. So we went out on a few dates, and then there was the realization that Bennett and I had feelings for each other, and me and other guy broke it off. Well other guy had his version of me in another girl. So I had met other girl (they had been friends forever and was super obvious, even then, that they were meant to be together), and obviously she didn't like me very much. Thought she was a snob, blah blah. So now these two are dating, and I guess have been for over a year. But it turns out, she is not a snob and she's actually pretty awesome. And it was never awkward with other guy, so at least I guess that could mean everyone, including me, is getting older.
I feel like these things used to be filled with weekends of debauchery and boys. And now I'm all married going to see jam bands with other couples. Wow.
Soul Mates
4.10.09
SOUL MATE-
–noun
a person with whom one has a strong affinity.
Origin: 1815–25
Dictionary.com UnabridgedBased on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.
This is the honest definition of the word soul mate. I have been hearing it so much lately, that I decided I needed to write an entire entry on it. I may be the rare breed to think such things, but I think there is more than one soul mate for everyone. "Strong affinity" can apply to anyone. I thought I found my soul mate more than once before I even met Bennett.
When we were doing our marriage counseling, our pastor asked us if we thought we were the only people we could be married to happily. And we both answered no. And neither one of us was hurt by it, because it's the simple truth. You can be married to almost anyone you have a strong affinity for; but you don't want to. You marry the person you want to marry, and that's how that goes.
I can think of 4 people that I thought were my soul mates, and I only married one.
Daniel- I thought this kid was the absolute love of my life. I don't know if it was just young love or stupidity, but I really did think that he was it for me. I almost moved back to Georgia to be with him. This is the classic case of everything happens for a reason. He married another girl that worked at the movie theater and is now living happily with his in-laws in Ohio.
Joseph- Me and Joseph had a very special relationship. He was my first real "boy" best friend that turned into 2 years of torture and love. I honestly don't regret anything with him. He was, and probably continues to be, a great guy. He married one of his best girl friends and is up north living happily with her.
Chris- I thought this was the end with him. I seriously thought, "no more looking around for me, I'm finished." Until I found out that he did not feel that same way, which was heart wrenching, but survivable. I always tended to need him more than he wanted or needed me. We shared a few great moments that I won't forget, and hopefully he won't either, but this is THE case of bad timing. And again everything happens for a reason.
Bennett- Bennett is my soul mate that I wanted to marry. He is a great husband, my best friend and everything in between. I can play with him; he loves me FOR my screaming at football games and for my ability to make an ass out of myself in pretty much every situation. He makes me feel safe and comfortable and always smells good. He is my absolute favorite person in the world.
So there you have it. Could I have married any of these people and probably been happy? Yes. But did I? No. I married Bennett and am as happy as a clam.
That's about all you're going to get out of me for today.
–noun
a person with whom one has a strong affinity.
Origin: 1815–25
Dictionary.com UnabridgedBased on the Random House Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2009.
This is the honest definition of the word soul mate. I have been hearing it so much lately, that I decided I needed to write an entire entry on it. I may be the rare breed to think such things, but I think there is more than one soul mate for everyone. "Strong affinity" can apply to anyone. I thought I found my soul mate more than once before I even met Bennett.
When we were doing our marriage counseling, our pastor asked us if we thought we were the only people we could be married to happily. And we both answered no. And neither one of us was hurt by it, because it's the simple truth. You can be married to almost anyone you have a strong affinity for; but you don't want to. You marry the person you want to marry, and that's how that goes.
I can think of 4 people that I thought were my soul mates, and I only married one.
Daniel- I thought this kid was the absolute love of my life. I don't know if it was just young love or stupidity, but I really did think that he was it for me. I almost moved back to Georgia to be with him. This is the classic case of everything happens for a reason. He married another girl that worked at the movie theater and is now living happily with his in-laws in Ohio.
Joseph- Me and Joseph had a very special relationship. He was my first real "boy" best friend that turned into 2 years of torture and love. I honestly don't regret anything with him. He was, and probably continues to be, a great guy. He married one of his best girl friends and is up north living happily with her.
Chris- I thought this was the end with him. I seriously thought, "no more looking around for me, I'm finished." Until I found out that he did not feel that same way, which was heart wrenching, but survivable. I always tended to need him more than he wanted or needed me. We shared a few great moments that I won't forget, and hopefully he won't either, but this is THE case of bad timing. And again everything happens for a reason.
Bennett- Bennett is my soul mate that I wanted to marry. He is a great husband, my best friend and everything in between. I can play with him; he loves me FOR my screaming at football games and for my ability to make an ass out of myself in pretty much every situation. He makes me feel safe and comfortable and always smells good. He is my absolute favorite person in the world.
So there you have it. Could I have married any of these people and probably been happy? Yes. But did I? No. I married Bennett and am as happy as a clam.
That's about all you're going to get out of me for today.
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